


that ultra-kind of love

by smallredboy



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Coming Out, Getting Together, M/M, Trans John Laurens, Trans Marquis de Lafayette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-11 06:26:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13518426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallredboy/pseuds/smallredboy
Summary: John comes out to Lafayette as trans on his third date with him. Little did he know, Lafayette had a coming out to do too.





	that ultra-kind of love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [laurctte](https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurctte/gifts).



> ari i would die for you and for laurette... this ship is so valid and i love them so much. 
> 
> enjoy!

John fidgeted with his hands. He didn't know how to tell his date that he was trans. Would he react badly? He knew he was bi, but bi people could be transphobic too. It was his third date with Lafayette, too, and he really liked his company — he was funny and nice.

John breathed in, attempting to control his racing heart. If things turned sour, he could just wait until they payed and run. Or he could fight him, but he didn’t want to risk getting banned from this rather lovely restaurant. Running was a better plan. He steadied his hands, and ran a hand through his hair. Lafayette looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Something wrong, John? You’ve been staring at your plate for five minutes.” Lafayette said, a small grin on his face. His voice was so nice, too — God, he loved every part of him with a passion.

"I just... uh, I need to tell you something." John muttered, picking up his fork and knife in his sweaty hands.

"Do tell me, John, I'm all ears." He said, smiling at John in attempt to make him smile back at him. He didn't smile. Instead, he frowned, his throat tight with fear as he gulped down a bite. He'd been using his binder for only three hours but it felt like it was choking him. He grabbed water and gulped it down, remembering what his therapist had told him about preventing panic attacks.

"I'm..." John sucked in a breath, his brain going a hundred miles per hour. He choked on his own voice while Lafayette looked at him expectedly.

I can find a non-sucky cis guys if this fails, he told himself. "I'm trans. I'm a trans man." John announced, his voice coming out a lot more confident and strong than it sounded in his head.

Lafayette's eyes widened before he pushed a little more of the potatoes into his mouth. John grimaced and braced himself for the worst. Lafayette looked like he was going through the seven stages of grief while swallowing that one bite. "Same," he finally said, fixing his bun and flashing John a small smile.

"What?" John blurted out, blinking a few times. Lafayette looked slightly overwhelmed by his reaction.

Lafayette swallowed. "I'm trans too." He said, looking John in the eye as if he was waiting for some sort of negative response.

"That’s… that’s great, actually? I— I assume you're usually stealth, because damn, you pass fucking good."

He laughed before taking a sip of his wine. "Yeah, I usually don't tell anyone but dates. I didn't expect you to be trans either, man, you pass real well."

"Did you not see the straps of my binder?" Laurens asked, looking at him incredulously.

He looked at him disbelievingly, shaking his head. "You haven't had top surgery yet?"

John would tell him his entire tragic backstory about his shithole of a father, but he doesn't. "Not enough money to,” he said, shrugging.

"Well, luckily, you have a rich date,” Lafayette chuckled, calling the waiter and asking for the bill.

John was outraged. "You're not my sugar daddy!" he exclaimed.

Lafayette laughed again. "We’ll split the bill, then?"

"Yeah," John nodded, his mind still buzzing. He couldn't believe his luck. He expected Lafayette to either be a transphobic asshole or to fetishize him, not for him to be trans too.

"When did you get top surgery?" he asked curiously while counting the money.

"Back at home in France. Didn't have parents to disappoint, so I just went for it." He said, shrugging and taking a last sip of wine before handing it to the waiter taking out their food. "How're your parents about it?"

"My mom's like, super dead," he told him, and Lafayette nodded curtly instead of gasping or apologizing like they usually do. "And my dad is hella transphobic. He didn't kick me out but he still calls me by my birth name and tells his friends about his ‘daughter’, that daughter being me."

"I’m sorry about your mom, man." Lafayette said, getting up and lacing his fingers with his date’s as he dragged him out of the restaurant. John’s heart fluttered just a bit. An old couple with their hands intertwined walked by, looking at both of them disgustedly. John bowed his head down and tried to push his hand away from Lafayette’s, but he grinned at him reassuringly.

“Isn’t it annoying when old couples express affection in public. Like jeez, get a room!” he said mockingly. “We may have let you out of the retirement home, but you don’t have to be public about it! It’ll make us younger couples uncomfortable, no? Back in my day, they had the decency not to do that.” The old couple glared at the two men and stomped away, muttering something about gays.

John looked at his date in shock, and then they both burst into laughter. God, Lafayette was truly as into fighting with people as he was. 

“You showed 'em good, babe.” He said between laughs.

“I did, didn’t I?” Lafayette said proudly. His brows furrowed as he took on a more serious tone. “No, but really. I’m sorry about your mother.”

"Eh," John replied. He didn't like talking about his mom too much. She was a nice woman, much better than his dad, but she'd be gone ever since he was fifteen, and he was twenty four now. It was a part of his past he liked to keep at the back of his mind. He took his hand away from Lafayette’s and stuck it in his pocket.

"Well," Lafayette tried reassuringly, "at least you have a support system now?"

John nodded. "I have Herc, and Alex, and Aaron and you, now." He grinned and leaned up to kiss him. Lafayette was quite tall, almost six feet, while he stood at a measly five foot six. He deepened the kiss. “I really like you." John breathed, still close to him. He could feel Laf’s breath tickling his face.

Lafayette smiled at him. "I really like you too, man."

They kept walking, and John guided him to the coast, the night settling over them and the breeze tickling their arms.

John sighed as they sat down in one of the benches. He felt and thought a lot of things about Lafayette. He was funny, kind, smart, rich and as prone to fighting with other people as him.

"Well, I feel a lot more secure with you now," he said, turning to his date.

"Oh, me too. I was scared what your reaction would be." He laughed a little — John felt it jolt up his spine and it made him want to kiss him senseless. Lafayette was an amazing kisser, too, as if he'd had thousands of kisses before he met him. He probably had drunken flings and alcohol-induced making out sessions.

"So." He knew a lot about him, too; he was an orphan, he was French and damn, his accent was hot, his family was rich, he wanted to be a doctor when he was a kid, he moved to the US when he was eighteen to live with his aunt. "I don't— uh.” A silence passed between them. “Can I kiss you?" John blurted out.

Lafayette laughed and their lips met in a haze. He loved how their lips matched, how John could feel his heartbeat where his hand was.He wondered if he could feel the scars from surgery if he went an inch or two down, but he didn’t try.

"I want to call you my boyfriend," John admitted. Before Lafayette could answer he kissed him again, drinking up the surprised gasp that came out of his mouth.

Lafayette grinned at him widely once he pulled away. His eyes shone under the light of the moon. "You want to go steady?" he asked, voice soft.

John hadn't had a boyfriend for years now, and most of his relationships had been short-lived. But he could imagine spending a few years with Lafayette. After his parents got divorced he grew to not believe in love that could last forever. His relationships of a year at most only proved the pessimistic point of view he had regarding love, but he thought things with Lafayette might last.

"Yeah," he said, intertwining his fingers with Lafayette's. He smiled and kissed him for a long while, until they pushed away and giggled quietly. "I love you." The words tasted weird in his mouth; he hadn't said them in years to anyone.

"I love you too," Lafayette told him. He smiled brighter than the moonlight in the sky. "You're so handsome, you know?"

"Thank you," John said, "you're gorgeous."

Lafayette squirmed; John made mental note to not call him gorgeous. "Or handsome, whichever you prefer," he corrected himself. Lafayette grinned at him and nodded. “You… uh. I can’t believe we’re dating.”

“I can’t believe it either,” Lafayette said, pushing himself closer to him on the bench. He kissed him once, twice, three times. His smile blinded John, and he wanted to be with him forever, even if a part of him didn't believe that to be plausible.

“How many boyfriends have you had before me?” John asked, putting his arm around Lafayette’s shoulder and smiling.

“Hm. I had one in high school, back when I wasn't out as trans, then I had another which I met on Grindr.”

“You used Grindr? I fear I'll get slurs thrown at me so I don't.”

“Where I lived when I was nineteen was quite… okay about trans issues, so I never found a raging transphobe.” Lafayette shrugged, making a face. “If anything it was just ‘I’m not interested in trans people, sorry’. Which still sucks, but you know.”

“I avoid dating sites like the plague,” John told him. “I’ve dated people in the LGBT book club I go to, but it has never lasted long.”

“My longest relationship was with this girl, Adrienne. We met when I was back in France for top surgery, and we kept it long-distance for about a year and three months before we broke up.”

John smiled and kissed Lafayette’s cheek. “I bet I can break that record,” he said.

“Oh, I bet you can too.” He intertwined his fingers with John’s — his hands were impossibly warm. “What about you? How many ex boyfriends ya got?”

“Uh, I actually dated Alex back in high school but we're just friends now,” he said. “I had a few online relationships, and, again, the book club relationships. Longest has been a year.”

Lafayette kissed him again, humming lightly against his lips. “Well, I'll treat you better than all of them put together.”

John chuckled. “Considering you're rich, that isn't hard.”

Lafayette rolled his eyes, and John was happy to be at Lafayette’s side. They watched the movement of the waves with their hands clasped together. 


End file.
